A girl with a bag of feelings to spill

I realized that I come here when we fight.
How sad that I could only pen type down my thoughts here

Look I know that you are stressed out because of the whole email scam saga.

My understanding towards you crease when you start saying what truly bothers you.
The fact that you think I am having fun outside last night while you are in trouble.

Look , Do I feel any better to spend our day apart and with others.
I tried to be most understanding towards you , have you search your soul yet ?

But how come you blame me that I didn't bother to care or help?

You were the one who always ask me to leave you alone when you are in trouble.

Didn't you ?

You will just ask me to leave you alone or brush me away with never minds and text you later
Great , today something new that you used on me ' get lost '
Or even the , ' I hate you '

So are you gng to try the ' let's break up ' again ?

Exam stress is not a good reason either.

I only meant good intentions to cheer you up yet I get treated so shabbily again
You ought to be nicer to me , w

I am disappointed in you much more than you think I am

You left me all alone at the bus stop.
Instead of talking things out and saying the magic word.

You just left me all alone.
That's just too much.

You do not care if I cried by myself for 1 whole hour alone at the bus stop.
I think you do not care.

You are just overcome by anger and pride to say that you are sorry and let things go.
So that we can move on and spend a wonderful new year start together.

Why do this to me ?
You make me feel that money is more important to you and I am nothing to you

I love you so much and put you above everything.
I deserve better , seriously wilson.

Show me some effort.......
I am drained

I cried because I felt that I had to swallow my pieces.
That I could not tell you what I am thinking.

Because even if I did , You dun seem to understand.
Chocking my tears as I type and reply you.

I love you with all my heart

I dun wanna fight for I am scared and afraid things will go back again.
So I just give in to you.

I do not want that, I cannot take that.
Who will care for me?

Dislike this so much .
I got to numb myself for more to come.

I feel so blissful and loved ♥
So blessed and I could die !

I been dying to feel the spark for so long.
Today is it , baby ♥

Thank so much for being so nice to me.
I love your new hair , it makes you so cute ♥

Did I tell you that your smile is such a killer ♥ 
I am such a sucker for your smile !

Seeing you smiling cheers me up like nothing else
I wish our next meeting will speed up already !

I told you Alvin and the Chipmunks are good right , baby ?
Glad you felt the same way and we both love Theodore !

Thanks for the yummy treat bibi !( Yummy food ! )

I love sharing what I have.
Little it maybe but still, I love to share with someone whom I loved deeply

I love presents. Love giving presents and receiving presents

As a child ,I grew up with little toys to play with.
So I looked forward to Christmas.

But my mother do not believe in the magic of Christmas.

Thankfully , I still get presents from some people.
Thank god for those angels

So. I specially look forward to the year end .
Christmas is  the time of the year when I receive gifts of love and feel special.

I love holding onto the wrapped gifts. Spending all days wondering what awaits me under the wrappers

I love waking up to Christmas morning . Knowing that I can finally unwrap my gifts

I love spending effort looking for the gift which I think will put a smile on people faces.

I love presents and there's a reason why to it



Because I feel like I am making up my lost childhood.



I know you feel that I am just plain superficial because I like presents. You are wrong
Really feel upset that I have to give up what I like because you do not like it.

Back when we are together in the start , You always get me a little something wherever you go.
You loved giving me a surprise with the little gifts you bought.

From a stone with kisses on them to a couple keychain , I loved them all.

Now you find it a dreadful chore.

You skipped so many anniversaries. And if you remembered , You didn't even got me anything for my birthday.

That really shows how much you have changed and the worth of me changed in your heart

How can I be so naive and think that you can change over night?

It was an misunderstanding and communication breakdown.
A misinterpretation of texts

Clearly you should have knew better of the situation I was in.
I know I forced you and gave you no choice. 

Because You left me with no choice as well.
I got to beg and plead you to agree to my plan.
Was scolded, blamed, shamed and hurt in the process.

Just so you will turn up for a simple dinner.
I tried my utmost best effort to make our relationship work.

For I didn't breathe a word when You cut our meeting to once a week.
Depending from anytime you fancy

I kept my unhappiness to myself and still tried to make this work.

How can you stay mad at me for more than 48 hours?
I guess you really could

And that's how much you loved me really

You given me your words to be as nice to me as you can..
But you blow your top again last night.

Why am I the one always in fault ?
And, You remained faultless.

I tried to wake you up by doing what I normally did.
Giving you a few texts.
How was I supposed to know that you tune your alarm softer?
Why can't you reflect that it maybe your fault for not telling me?
Or the alarm fault ?

Why must we get so mad over a minor misunderstanding ?
I didn't made used of your trust.

Ya, You need to use harsh words like I am irresponsible for not calling you till you wake up
It's just such a minor thing.
Why can't you learn to forgive and forget?

I know you are going to say that You are not like me.
Right . I am not like you too.
If you want me to be like you to be more responsible ,then why can't you be more forgiving like me ?

You always demand more from me and claim I am not grateful for things.
How could you even think that way?
I am always grateful for things which you didn't  even noticed.

I always try to give in to you.
Thinking for your benefit and for you.

Days ago, I know you tried to be nice and asked me to a movie.
I was so looking forward to it.

I asked you today if we are going to the movie.
Yet because of the alarm clock incident, you simply tell me "no"

I tried to be nice and understanding to you.
Thinking that you need to study and got lots of work to do.
So I replied you , a simple ok

Yet you are upset that I didn't bother to tell you my feelings or try to talk about it.
What's there to talk about when the answer is so clear.

But I tried again and ask you if you want to go to the movie.
Yet again , Your answer reflect the same thing ' I need to study'

That's why I didn't want to try to ask again.
I do not want to be rejected over and over.

What's there to discuss when there's no room for discussion.
You are just hurting me over and over again.
You know that without me telling you.
So dun ask me to repeat, please.

I didn't try to fight or ask for what I want.
Because there's no point.
You always had your idea ready already.

I know why I stopped trying to ask to go to the movie.
Because I given up.






 

Our very own love story   ♥

Wilson and I have been going out together for nearly half a year.

I met him in my church, somewhere around late April.
Before we even talked and got to know each other, I didn't really noticed him around.
Maybe he is quiet, well the fact..he is very quiet to start with.

Okay back to how we met.. ♥

One Friday, I was early for cell and as usual was ' blur ' of what to do..
There he was sitting on the table top..
I still remember he was wearing this yellow striped polo shirt that make him look like a cute bumble bee  ♥

So,I approached him ...blushing of course.
And asked him if I need to gather right away..

He told me that only the worship team gather to pray first.
' Oh okay, Thanks ' I replied and quickly walk away before he notices how red my cheeks were..

He walked over and introduced himself...
Hmm I think I was really nervous and, so was he too.

Most likely why he mumbled his name..
And for almost 2 weeks, I thought his name is William !
Haha thinking of it now, it is still so funny!

Then on, I always look forward to seeing him and speaking to him again..
Every Friday , I looked forward and wait patiently for him to look for me.
As for Sunday, I remembered I always had my eyes on him when he is playing on stage.

I was so thrilled to know he added me on facebook !
Soon we were exchanging mail and I began to find myself always smiling as I reply to his mails..

Of course, I was totally over the moon when he text me !
My heart did little leap of pure joy when I got his text...
I still remember how I could not contain my happiness and keep smiling like mad too..

Soon we could not stop texting..Hmm ya our texts never seems to stop from then!  ♥

Even before my eyes are opened, My hand will start feeling about the bed for my phone.
So the first thing I saw was.... ..his good morning text
The last thing I saw before I slept was ... his good night text.

Even until today, the sweetest of knowing that his text is waiting for me when I opened my eyes..
Never failed to warm and sweeten my heart every morning!

Sometimes it may also be a very sweet and touching poem , just for me.
You know I love all your poems baby !

Yours always, Ellen
I love you ,Wilson ♥

Back from 1 week Taiwan trip holiday
It was a great relaxing trip, full of nice people and beautiful places

The weather was freezing, going down to 12 degree by today reportedly
Forced to buy jackets , from the moment I landed

Wide blue ocean view , Huge theme park , Folk dances , Unlimited fireworks and cracker playing
8 different hotel stay that gets better and better every day ,Dieting makes food distant

Shopping was great , full of super cheap deals and pretty steals

-Ray Ban Sun Glasses
-Graphic Cotton Men Shirts
-Leather Bracelet
-Ring
-Vintage Necklaces Chain
-Charm Bracelet
-Printed Ballerina Flat
-Royal Blue Leather Handbag
-Tights
-Hair Accessories
-Zebra Designed Scarf

Some ranged from S$ 5 - S$ 79

Of course, Normal tourists gifts
Such as,
-Mr.President Of Taiwan's Fave Pineapple Tart
-S$15 for 2 local famous Custard Apple Fruits
-Photo taking with folk dancers for S$20  , Unwillingly of course
-Local Good Luck Charm

Yes,I have came back only with $10 Taiwan , $0.50 Singapore
Why ? Simply because I forgetten to spend it away


My best surprise in the whole trip would have to be on the SIA plane
When the last call for duty free product is being announcement ,I felt a twitch inside

Well , maybe next time when I do not overspend,  I thought

Suddenly, the air stewardess bend over ,handed me a bag and a letter
" It's a surprise for you , enjoy it " she added while, beaming her rows of white pearly teeth

I alway have a weak spot for surprises , I totally dig surprises actually to be frank

" It's something hard and in a nicely wrapped box " Perfume ?
" Too big for a perfume box " I thought





'Oh my god '  ,Yes that is my first expression when I first set my eye on this beauty ♥
She is such a beauty, You cannot deny it ,for sure

 ♥ I miss family members,  Nice to be home to fight with them over tv
 ♥ I miss kids in the centre, Glad to heard their sweet voice calling me when I am back
 ♥ I miss kids that I babysit , Glad to bring them for a swim at the condo pool again
 ♥ I miss singapore , You are still the best